got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
