Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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