Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
