Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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