Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
