I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I have tasted many bathrooms
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
