At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize