Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Even my vagina gasped.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Randomize
