It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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