and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
