This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
