Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
