He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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