Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
