Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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