All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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