Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Why did my mother make you get naked?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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