Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
