I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
