On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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