I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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