I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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