We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
