She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
