i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Can I color on your dick again?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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