I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
