I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
