apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
i now understand why vodka
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
