umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
