According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
