Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize