just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
