I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
