Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize