I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
