oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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