I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
