No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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