he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
time to smoke my breakfast
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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