I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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