Me. At least after what I've been through.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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