just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
