That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
