Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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