there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
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