Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
