I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Come see our sink grown plant.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize