My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he thought i was a dude.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
