So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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