My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
