yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
