i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
