so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
