Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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