I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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