I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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