the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
