just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
