I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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