I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
