I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
