the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
