did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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