she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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