I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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