In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
