Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
