Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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