Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
