when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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