I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
