my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
don't judge my taste in strippers
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
