There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize