he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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