it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
