I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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