Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
