the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
