apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
How's work?
Spinning.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
