yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
