Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
3pm strippers are depressing
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
