fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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